Helping Children Regulate

Emotional regulation is a skill and just like walking, talking, or riding a bike, it takes time and practice to master. Between the ages of 3 and 8, children are still learning how to manage big feelings like frustration, anger, disappointment, or even overwhelming excitement.

Some kids need a little extra support during these moments and that’s completely okay.

Why do children need help calming down?

Young children are still developing the brain pathways that help them manage emotions. They might:

• Feel things intensely, especially in busy or overstimulating environments

• Struggle to put their feelings into words

• React impulsively (think yelling, hitting, shutting down, or hiding)

• Need more support when tired, hungry, or experiencing sensory overload

By staying calm and supportive, we can model and teach emotional regulation over time.

A 5 Step Approach to Supporting Regulation

1. Notice what’s going on Before jumping in, pause and observe. Are they stomping, shouting, or shutting down? Their behaviour is a clue to how they’re feeling.

2. Name the emotion Try saying, “I can see you’re feeling really angry that it’s time to leave the playground.” This helps connect the feeling to the event and builds emotional vocabulary.

3. Pause After you name the feeling, give space. A few moments of silence lets your child feel seen and can reduce escalation.

4. Stay close and support regulation Some kids might need a cuddle, others might need space. Your calm presence matters most. If it’s safe, let the emotion move through without rushing it away.

5. Address behaviour once they’re calm After the storm has passed, you can talk about what happened, offer alternative coping strategies, and gently guide better choices next time.

Quick tips for everyday life:

• Use visuals: Visual timers, first/then boards, or calm-down charts can support predictability and reduce overwhelm.

• Practice during calm moments: Talk about feelings, read books with emotional themes, and role-play coping strategies in play.

• Stay calm yourself: Your regulation helps theirs. If you’re feeling triggered, it’s okay to take a few deep breaths too.

When to seek extra support

If your child regularly struggles with managing emotions in ways that impact daily life speaking with a child psychologist, GP, or allied health professional (like an OT or speech pathologist) can help build a tailored support plan.